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November 9, 2019
The way of relating; life knows its ways since the ways have been created by life.
So many of my lovers decided to blindfold me and then let me seek them in the darkness of their worlds which was stimulating on some levels but equally frustrating on others. In order to find them I needed to figure them out- I needed to develop my brain. He wasn't like others- with him I realized it's time to illuminate it; illuminate my brain to illuminate the way.
The main problem in men relating to women is doing it in a way where they THINK where they're coming from instead of trying to REMEMBER where they're coming from by feeling into them. You cannot understand the other person by thinking of her. You can only understand her by continuously relating to her, with her; thus remembering her, remembering her from long before you've met her. Rela聽, 聽 (ting) meaning genuine empathetic listening, listening with more than just your ears, listening with and to your heart-mind. You need to feel her like you feel the music- with all your body, mind and spirit. The majority of people can only feel through their bodies. Some people can only feel through their minds. Only few can feel through spirit. He feels through all three.
Relating with a True Woman arouses the Man strongly and their continuous remembering becomes the prime agent in their processes of englightenment.
Our form of relating is the most intimate of all. It is not through a legal relationship. It is not through a religious relationship. I'd like to believe we're not perfectionists only out of our wounds of injustice. I'd like to believe that shakti leads us on the path of perfection. I share a story of him with my mom and she says I need to forget about him. She says I'm losing my time.
Forgeting him would mean resisting life. I linger. The vision enables me to see him even when he's not visible to my physical eyes. I somehow feel his innermost thoughts are being spoken to me. Being here they don't reach me through sound. They don't reach me through communication. They reach my heart and this form of sound communication travels to my left arm. They want to write through me. His thoughts. They want to see the reflection of themselves in my writing. Whose writing is it? Is it mine? Is it his?
Ma Guru used to say; "To me there is only the one, you and I are one, and the space between us is also myself."
Relationship when not given attention dies. Many of my physical relationships did. Our relationship lives because we're both lovingly dedicated to experiencing 8 aspects; Prakasham, Nadam, Shanti, Sthiram, Premam, Anandam, Gyanam, Shakti. These eight aspects project themselves and make life circulate.
I look at the remains. Remains of Monastery in Venice. Remains of doubts and fears. Then I remember, I remember all of the times I loved, I remember all of the times I didn't feel loved but I still loved. And then I ask myself why didn't I feel loved? Why do I need a hug from a guru to feel this love? Why don't I hold myself in warm regard? It all has to do with conditioning and it's not easy to transform it. What am I choosing to remember? What am I choosing to bring to life? What am I choosing to bring life to? What am I choosing to bring with me, in me? The feminine does not need ascension, female creation comes from inside out. While I wait for my transfer from Venice to Ljubljana I pray. There's nothing else left than to pray. There's nothing else right than to pray. I move away from the opposites, I'm in my own center as well as in the centre of Venice where I don't see you but I do see the things as they are. I'm accepting situations as they are without judging them. I'm feeling through them, into them. In the midst of praying I get an insight; wait a minute- there is something else I can do while waiting- I can play, I can imagine...
So I imagine a man who comes to Venice and picks me up. I imagine him driving me so I don't need to wait for a less convenient transport. And you know what? It's boring. Relying on a man would be boring to me. I would prefer to trust in a man than to rely on him. How can I trust men if they are afraid of Pygmalion effect? How can I trust them if they are more prone to give in to the golem effect?
All the time waiting pays off. It pays for me to be aware of my expectations.
Different people have different emotional reactions to shared external events. Different people have different emotional reactions to my brainstorms and stories. Some of them reflect. Some of them don't need the act of reflecting, because they reflect by their being. They reflect by beating. Not beating themselves up but by beating of their heart.
Aplomb is the ultimate test, because it's all about grace under pressure. How many of us can remain calm under the external pressures of life? I'm learning. Visiting my homeland is always the best test. No Mom, I'm not going to forget him. I keep remembering. I'm settling myself at the centre of my own world. I'm settling myself in my womb. My womb is warmhearted when he thinks of me. My womb is illuminated when I remember. Remember true love.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!