"Don't ignore me, don't criticize me, don't push me aside", she says. She is Anger in me. I kept ignoring her for a long time. It must of come to an untolerable external situation for me to finally be willing to see her eye to eye.
This year's Navratri is all about celebrating emotions and travelling back and forth to our core wounds. 

I've been dealing with a lot of grief these days, it's connected to disconnection that I feel. It deeply affects me. It brings me back to my past memories of all the men that I loved. They left me because they went to fight a war; a war inside of them. A war with their emotions. It wasn't like in the movies. They've forgotten to write to me. They've made me feel like they've forgotten all about me. They came back years later without their limbs. On the way apart they've gotten themselves hurt by women. They came back with frozen hearts and years of traumas screaming out their energy fields. They wanted me to take them back. They wanted me to take them fully in. Fully as I did when they left me. 

The rest is the past.
I don't want to live in my past. Patterns of abandonment, patterns of not being heard, I want to let go of you. I want to let go so I can move... I say to myself and leave for a yoga class in a heavy pouring; both rain and my menstrual blood. I arrive to the studio and want to escape. I see the teacher and I experience guilt because of my thoughts. I decide to go. Before the class she speaks to me and calms me down. I cry in dandasana. I feel like honoring Indra and I'm thinking of wearing a jewel instead of bindu on my forhead tomorrow when this year's Navratri comes to an end. When there's no rain (sex) there's no food for my vessel (my body). It hasn't been raining for months and I'm living in London!!! I'm questioning if living is the right word?!? Come on.
In my mind I'm singing George Harrison's songs to Mount Govardhan.
I need a danda; I need to stick to a Good Teacher. And I'm feeling it, right here, right now in dandasana.
I have so much desire for a Man as I have to realize Divinity. I don't want to be deluded by my romantic fantasies about what love is, I know it when I feel it. I will know what a man's love is when he will be able to show it to me.
I surrender my ego to dandasana remembering that the real yoga is not practiced in the studio. It is practiced through our relationships with others. 

Namaste!