I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!
8 tour (Stop begging for sex pt.2)
September 11, 2018
This is an attempt of continuation of my "Stop begging for sex" story. I recently returned from my trip to Slovenia which reminded me of my last year's passion for a love therapist/beggar. I notice that beggars in UK are very different to the ones in Slovenia. For a start, they are incomparably more polite. You can clearly see that beggars in Slovenia are still coming from the mindset of Yugoslavian socialist background- feeling no sense of gratitude, expecting you to give them what they want and more because they're entitled to it even if they don't move a muscle for the rest of their lives. When you give them 2 eur, they scream F*** words to you, whereas in London you hear "Bless you" if you give them 50cents. The same rules seem to apply to "dating arena".
I still keep on being registered on a dating website (which was supposed to be free of love beggars) although I don't really fancy dating anyone at the moment. I'm noticing that most virtual men who get in contact with me tend to define themselves as somebodies who just want to have "a little fun". I'm allergic to men (and women) not being aware of the shadow side of their inner messages. This one is not as innocent as it seems and it's not necessarily negative either, but still something in me gets triggered and responds with the following counter-narrative; "Well you know what Mister; with me you can only have everything and nothing at the same time." I never say it out loud but thankfully my self-talk does manage to scare them off. I refuse to be indifferent to love's many guises. I refuse to pretend that life consists only of certainty, of light and dark acting as opposing forces. They are transforming and revolving halves constantly generating and renewing each other. Where there is mystery, there is fear.. but there is also magic in exploring a naturally given potential of being "continuously sexually receptive channel", a woman being in touch with her primal power invigorated and replenished with profound intimacy of deep bonding(s) instead of instant gratification.
Instead of going on a date, I opted for 8 tour (well to be honest, I planned this one for months). 8 tour doesn't resonate with me in a traditional slovenian sense where "osmica" depicts days on which village farms open their doors for people to taste their wines and carniolan sausages. None of my friends really knows much about Incubus so I embarked on their eight tour concert in Brixton alone. The waiting for the concert itself brought me an opportunity to discover broader horizon of various Incubus fans beyond my small me and together we discovered a profound wisdom. Over the years we're remaining faithful to Incubus because they've given us time and space to outgrow all the unhealthy levels of admiration. We're not attracted or attached to our own projections of them, we feel and accept them as they are- genuine and ever-changing, remaining passionate to finding their own truth with utter honesty.
None of our peers follows their music but our love and loyalty to its magic is profound.
The lovely guy standing behind me in a line to get in a concert hall described me his feelings of meeting the band backstage a day before and another amazingly handsome guy who managed to squeeze near the stage standing right next to me told me he went to California last year just to see their concert. He went there alone and he came alone to Brixton as well. After 15 minutes he asked me if I would be his date for the night. I agreed and so we gave each other everything and nothing, meaning
I held a (safe) space for him when he needed to go for a wee and he was suppyling me with bottles of water. We surrendered to the vibrations of our favorite music completely. It took me into a hypnotic-like trance state and this expanded state of consciousness allowed me to feel one with the universe. I'm feeling grateful to Incubus for bringing forwards an opportunity for me to experience a different kind of intimacy "in to me see", which allowed me to open and become a luminous "sky-goer", a clear channel by myself, not attaching any strings or expectations to anyone or anything external. Their music is a sacred medicine for me and while we were singing "I was your friend and ended up your victim" I had a sincere smile on my face for the first time since I let myself being abused by love therapist as well as for the first time when feeling into the lyrics of a song Glitterbomb.
I've found my integral sense of self and wholeness again by changing dating from the sake of CHARITY into dating from the sake of CLARITY.
After the concert I felt true compassion for myself and others. I just kept on hugging random guys in the concert hall because they I didn't feel them as random anymore. I felt profound love for every single one of them. I felt like they're my brothers and our immunity gets strenghtened by this unity. I want to finish this post with wise words of my dear friend Karmen who says; "True love is not blind, true love is clairvoyant."
I'm adding a quote of "True love starts within myself" which is still under a slow process of embodyment. The great pilgrimage of Kundalini has seven stations. I'm done with knowledge, I'm in the state of knowing what's good for me and what isn't.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!