Yesterday I was introduced to a man who was curious about what I do for living after two seconds of knowing me.
When I introduced myself as an alternative healer I was met by a petrified look on his face. Because of my slavic accent he understood me wrong; he misheard healer as killer.
…which made me escape all the Nothings and dive into pondering instead..
Is all of this happening to me to remind me that I need to bring awareness to the fact that my inner masculine shouldn´t rise from its shadows?
My last year´s journey to India was all about healing my inner masculine. I've learnt that all of the shakti and Goddesses work was pretty much damaging to me as a woman. It couldn't protect me from Narcissists and Sociopaths.
Just because I never wanted to ˝castrate˝ (be it intentionally or unintentionally) men, way too many dared to teach me and preach me even when I haven´t asked for their opinion.
I don't know how many of them managed to learn that I honor people who put their focus on being righteous, not on being right.
I learnt a lot more from my life experiences than from educational environments. I enjoy learning from signs and Sinology, not sins. My tantrik practices continue revolving around paravritti; attitude of devotion and reverence.
The symbolism of fragile reality of my own sexuality was revealed to me when I received a lovely present (A glass G spot wand ) from UK which was sent to my home in Slovenia but by strange coincidence ended up being missent to India. By the time it reached me, it was scattered to pieces. The wand that was sent to me to help me heal my wounds reminded me of carrying a stiff upper lip for too long, which affected my Large Intestine meridian to the point that I was almost poisened by all the waste that kept accumulating in my body for far too long. The roots of my suffering were unseen, because I burried my emotions under my skin. The fact of not acknowledging frequent presence of sexism and abuses on me as a feminine woman was feeding my inner predator and creating more and more shadow energies. The solution didn´t lie in getting and forgetting, it lies in giving and forgiving with heart wide open, eyes wide open as well as yoni wide open- not to be penetrated but open to crying. Yes, yoni crying waters of amrita.
I am realizing that we´re in a collective phase of healing the masculine inside us all. I release and instead of holding grudges, I hold the nurturing space for the masculine within me.
I heard somewhere that there are two kinds of men in the world: men who control their penises and men who are being controlled by their penises. Although I agree to some extent I must add something. Most of the prevailing fairytales focus on writing about a woman who sleeps and waits for a man to save her. Dear men, women are not needy but we do need you to wake up!
We all need to ditch the old programmings which are impeding the proccesses of grounding tantric love. We don´t want to shrink ourselves so we don´t want anyone to shrink their resoponsibilities and none of us will need shrink. We don´t need a fix and we don´t need to be fixed by being analyzed.
I'm a woman but I also feel how hard it is to be a man nowadays. We are living in a society that is brazenly sexual on the outside but still deeply puritanical on the inside. Our conditioning has sadly clouded our natural polarity, because it was based on repressing sexuality and consequently retarding soul maturation leaving us out of balance with eachother.
It is hard for all of us to free ourselves from all the expectations, sexpectations and criticisms.
I dream about men with awakened penises who feel every inch of them and who don´t strive for an instant release. Now don´t get me wrong, I am not fantasizing about having thousands of men; I just feel that we are in a need of a deep change in society. We are in a need of clearing so many years of outdated conditioning. Believe me, when you´ll take time to wade through the misunderstandings society inflicted on you, you won´t have any time to play around. You'll learn all about fake rules and regulations when it comes to sex instead. Self-mastery will replace obsolete knowledge and previous lack of wisdom.
I am fed up with instant food, instant hook ups, instant love relationships, instant courses, instant marriages etc. I want you to spice up your life with real love not with merely tasting for it or testing it when in fact you haven´t brought anything to the table yourself. The world needs you, so don´t keep on trying to eat soup with a fork. And please, do pay attention not to become SNAG (sensitive new age male). Become a heart warrior resolving your inner fights with compassion, ready to embrace both polarities.
The healthy masculine in both men and women learns how to witness without judgment so he/she is able to hold a safe space for whatever needs to be expressed in a moment.
As a dakini I am priviledged to do sessions and enable sexual healing for all genders. Working with men, women and transgender I gained a lot of wisdom which holds a potential for reinvigorating relationships.
Life is calling you to take action and take yourself in hand, so here is my present to you; a challenge in a form of a practice which holds a potential to helping you awaken both yin and yang inside of your lingam; based on balancing milking and milling.
Lie down, relax and start breathing into the right side of your body. You are most probably acquainted to the first part of a practice which will take care of the yang polarity of your lingam- MILKING. This method needs a higher pressure than other method so squeeze your lingam until you feel a slighter discomfort. The challenge is not to ejaculate and learning to recognize different levels of arousal as a consequence. After the milking there comes a challenge for you to dedicate equal amount of time and devotion to yin part- milling. Start breathing into your left part of the body and circling the edge of one hand around your penis in a featherly mode, continuously touching it. Repeat the movments with the other hand in slightly less featherly mode. Take pauses of stillness and relaxation and feel what these motions have induced within you. The challenge of this exercise is in unlocking you to sensitivity whilest holding a space for what´s real, it will give you a chance to resolve an inner fight between the hemispheres of your brain by moving you away from your fantasies straight into your body- into feeling. When you´ll know how to live in a space of harmony (your body) you won´t be distracted when becoming sexualy aroused or stimulated. You will notice the difference between opening and contracting and slowly you´ll be ready to experience blessings of enlivenment in form of whole-body orgasms which will connect you directly to your source. Remember, your lust can be your present when it is your gift. Your lust is your gift when you´re not lost in it. Your skills will develop with time so be present by patiently bringing more clarity, purpose and integrity into this world.
It´s time for us to create a space for heartful relationships instead of hurtful relationships. It´s time for us to engage with our natural desire before engaging with each-other. Let us find the way of gradually bringing fulfilling sex into the context of long-term relationships. What do you say?
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!