A ring of keys to open the secrets to heaven on earth.
I was sitting by the table in a company of an elder man whose main self-centered characteristics were accompanied by constant waves of cigarette smell, braying, farting and sound production of different kinds of weird acoustics and intonations which made my body tremble like a leaf. It was an early morning and a cup of Earl Grey failed to wake me up so I spontaneously yawned. My yawn eneded up being a total wake up call not only for my body, but also for my soul. The reason was in a reaction of an old guy to the natural microsecond of my yawning. I was expected to be a LADY and the woman in "lady me" had a feeling he wanted to slay me out of his house which was supposed to be my home. Although I was living there, it never felt home.
Yesterday I was sitting by another table in a company of another elder man. There was no sign of Earl Grey, so I opted for Darjeeling. While I was waiting for it to warm my chilly hands, he put his around his first bottle of beer. I tried to release the tension and pain in my neck by stretching it but the man was utterly disgusted by my movement. This time the table was not his so I managed to summon up all of my nerve and bring to the table what I felt. It wasn´t accepted.
This man gets credit for cocreating me 36 years ago and apparently he still takes all rights to control my body movements and to judge my personality traits and life choices. When will I be mature enough not to be vulnerable out of social conditionings and demands but still remain vulnerable and open in my natural femminine? Unbalanced masculinity, it makes us preys and it makes me pray.
God is perfect, men are not and I´m not expecting them to be, but why the heck are they burdening me with their expectations of perfection? Men are imperfect but they are expected to be worthy of love; I am worthy of love too and I don´t want to be perfect, but I insist on having a chance to be complete. I will only manage this when I can live freely, behaving according to the art of balanced heART, which excludes living falsly- meaning behaving according to other people´s whims and expectations. I am more and more aware that their controlling tendencies benefit their blind ego, it is their way to avoid their own shadows. By agreeing to their view I would be signing a contract with a shadow theatre. By resisting them I would be taken out of my natural alignment. I am losing my power as a woman in both cases. I am giving rise to unbalanced masculinity in both cases as well; in the first case the masculine is being poisened in a man, in second one I´m poisoning the masculine inside of me.
Our culture is powered by unhealthy masculinity whose innate creative tendancy leads you towards banana split; the split between the archetypes of the chaste and slutty woman. The first one is supposed to be pure, unattainable and untouchable, the second one is expected and projected to be dissolute and unworthy of respect. Our culture is pervaded by simplistic ideas, unable to face the light and dark aspects of lunar phases that govern our menstrual cycle. Women mostly live cut off from their natural cycles. Because they are expected to put other people´s needs and wants first they adopt a survival strategy by living from false selves. If you want to know how true to yourself you are, observe your menstruation. Does it hurt? Is it missing?
It is screaming for you to hear the message it holds for you. We need to release control of anything and everything and we need to release it on a regular basis through following moon through her eight phases. The more you befriend the moon, the more easily life will flow through you and the more you will be honoring the mysteries of being a complete woman.
Speaking of the moon...
Romanticizing and romancing are very different in their nature. The first one lives in your head, the other one permeats your whole being. I love tantra because TANTRA is romancing with life. It wasn't designed to further promiscuity and it wasn´t designed to give meaning to chastity either; it's multiple creations are giving meaning to female sexuality which is life nurturing in itself. I know why it's techniques used to be handed down only to handful of people. It wasn't because most people couldn´t pay for it, but because only a handful earned it.
Not many people are good in romancing. Mojority kills it's process by reasoning, they prefer to live asleep romanticizing (consuming).To build real intimacy you need an access to raw, unrestricted truth of who you are. Other people cannot dictate you that, you have to do the digging yourself. You have to constantly tune in to how you feel and honor that, no matter how much it hurts.
A way to true intimacy is here and now, and it is constantly reflecting who is willing to create consistently and who is only able to speak of it. Don´t be a speaker, become a seeker.
Romanticizing does not escape the thyrany of the unbalanced masculine, it puts us to deep sleep and forbids us to awaken. What kind of values you are following shows how much you value yourself. Women want to be loved, they want to be recognized as being loved. If they fail here, they want to be recognized otherwise. Most of the proud femminists I´ve met throughout my life are not escaping the thyrany of men either, they are unconsciously contributing to it, by enlargening the masculine inside of them to squalid proportions on the expanse of life giving and life sustaining wisdom of their wombs. The tendency to identify with one archetype (the prevailing one is MOTHER) to the exclusion of others leads to the repression of naturality and conversion of sexuality into fantasy. When fantasy takes over, feelings become atrophied which puts us away from ecstatic experiences and furthers us into the mercy of consummerism.
As long as women won´t be seeing themselves as equal to men, we will be damaging society at large. As long as we will be denied or we will be denying our own nature we will be the castrators, be it fisically or energetically. We will not become more equal by becoming more masculine. We will become more equal by having the courage to step into our natural femminine, bringing balance between the two polarities. We need men to cooperate and not operate on an autopilot anymore.
Push your self out of your idealistic nest, it is time for radical growing up. Heaven on earth is not possible. Creation is bringing the two closer together and you are the one cocreating so make sure you create out of love, not out of striving for love or recognition. The key is to choose IDEAS over IDEALS. Start your creation process now, by being kinder and gentler to yourself and the people around you. But do not clench your teeth whenever other people try to overrule your body or your intuition; learn to show your teeth instead. Show them ferociously!
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!